You Are Stupid
A phrase satan tries to whisper in my ears all day every day, oftentimes successfully.
There have been a lot of lies I used to believe that I’ve been freed from, but this one seems to be the toughest to overcome. Why?? I think because out of all of the lies Satan has thrown at me, this one feels true.
Here’s a little bit of my story for you…
As a kid I was really sick, so growing up people had to do a lot of things for me. Although this was usually out of love, the enemy used it to tear me down when I got older. Because of this, I didn’t even think to learn how to do stuff on my own. It took me a while to learn how to practice problem solving and the enemy has used this as a way to make me feel that because I don’t know how to do something, or figure it out, it means I’m stupid.
When I was in high school I wanted to go to college to become a nurse, but I didn’t feel I was smart enough so I pushed that dream aside for a few years. Eventually, I realized it was something I was passionate about and decided I was going to go for it. During my first year of college, my mom told me about a profession called a Respiratory Therapist. The simplest way to explain it is that it’s like a nurse that’s very specialized in all things pulmonary. Not long after, I found out I didn’t get into the nursing program.
Before the respiratory program started, Satan would be whispering in my ear that I took the easy way out by choosing something besides nursing. Well, I like to throw back at him that respiratory school was REALLY HARD and I DID IT!! The “you are stupid” voice began to quiet.
Never Enough Without Jesus
You would think that would be enough to feel like smarty pants, but it wasn’t. Having confidence is something I struggle a lot with, and even though I had a degree and a great job, I was still so insecure. My job as a way I tried to prove myself and show others that I could do things. Sometimes I would even throw it around in my younger sister’s face, and talk about the things I did to try and sound intelligent. Soon I found my worth and value in my job. I don’t know why, but I had this strong desire to prove to my family that I was smart and capable.
When the Lord called me to YWAM, I had been working at my job for 2 years and I loved what I did a lot. But, I knew the Lord had so much more for me. It was really hard to accept the fact that I would be quitting my job to do missions. I had placed so much of my personal value and affirmation in my job and thought by leaving it I would be seen as stupid. After all, this was how I felt I was proving myself to those around me. This was how I showed people that I was smart.
Overcoming the Lies
I know that this is a really long story, but it’s a part of my life. Looking back, I recognize that I was trying to get my worth and affirmation from things that weren’t God. For example, my education, people, my skills, my job. No matter how much I did or how much encouragement I got, it still never made me feel that I was enough. This is the reality when we try to get our value from the world, instead of God.
I’ve been on staff here with YWAM Redding for almost 2 years, and am now overseeing a department where the skills I use are not my strong points at all. My brain has never been strong in this particular area, but I had to learn how to do what I do now. It has been extremely stretching for me, but I’m grateful for the growth that’s happened. Multiple times a day though, I get asked a question I don’t know the answer to, and here comes satan telling me I’m dumb and that I don’t know how to do anything. Something the Lord has been teaching me the past couple of months is that I can’t do everything in my own strength, I NEED HIM. So, when those moments of weakness come around, I remind myself that I need God, and I call on Him for help.
What I’ve Learned
Through this journey with the Lord I’ve learned a few things:
- What the world sees as success and what God sees as success are completely different. The world may think you’re stupid for giving up everything to follow God, but whose voice is the most important?
- Your value and worth are not defined by what you do. They come from the one who created you.
- Lean on God because you actually can’t do everything.
- You need community and people to come alongside you who will speak the truth, because you can’t know everything.
- God created every part of you, and when you don’t like a part of yourself, that breaks God’s heart.
- Believing the lies is a CHOICE. It’s a choice to give in to what Satan is telling you. Instead, choose to say, “NO” and believe what God says about you.
- Don’t let a lifetime of lies, or experiences from the past, be louder than who God says you are.
If there’s a voice telling you that you’re something that God’s word doesn’t say that you are, please don’t believe it. The enemy knows what will hurt us the most, and loves to use our past and previous experiences to ‘confirm’ these lies because he’s very unoriginal.
Though I still struggle with believing lies on the daily, I’ve learned it’s a choice we have to make in every moment. I pray that my story encourages you and that you know who God says you are, and that you choose to believe it. No matter if something or someone else is telling you differently. The area where Satan attacks you the most is your area of greatest strength and the place that God wants to use you the most. Choose to speak life over yourself and over how God created you.
I’ll start at… I’m not stupid,
I AM BRILLIANT.
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