You Are Stupid

“You are stupid”…

A phrase satan tries to whisper in my ears all day every day, oftentimes successfully. 

There have been a lot of lies I used to believe that I’ve been freed from, but this one seems to be the toughest to overcome. Why?? I think because out of all of the lies Satan has thrown at me, this one feels true.

My Story

I was a really sick kid, and so my amazing parents did everything for me. As I got older though, I wanted to help out and learn how to do things. I’m so much like one of my parents, who has a certain way of doing things and will do everything themselves because they know how to do things ‘the right way.’ Growing up and having people do everything for me, I felt that I never really learned how to do anything myself. I wasn’t even sure how to do laundry until I was already in college.

When I didn’t know how to do something, someone would normally step in and just do it for me. That’s how it has been since I was a baby. I recognize now that I didn’t have practice problem solving and figuring things out on my own. Instead, the enemy uses this as a way to make me feel that I don’t know how to do something or figure it out, it means I’m stupid.

When I was in high school I wanted to go to college to become a nurse, but I didn’t feel I was smart enough so I pushed that dream aside for a few years. Eventually, I realized it was something I was passionate about and decided I was going to go for it. During my first year of college, my mom told me about a profession called a Respiratory Therapist. The simplest way to explain it is that it’s like a nurse that’s very specialized in all things pulmonary. Not long after, I found out I didn’t get into the nursing program.

Before the respiratory program started, Satan would be whispering in my ear that I took the easy way out by choosing something besides nursing. Well, I like to throw back at him that respiratory school was REALLY HARD and I DID IT!! The “you are stupid” voice began to quiet.

Never Enough Without Jesus

You would think that would be enough to feel like smarty pants, but it wasn’t. I struggle a lot with confidence even though I had a degree and a great job, I was still so insecure. My job was a way to prove myself, and to show other people that I could do things. I would even throw it around in my younger sister’s face sometimes and talk about the things I did, trying to sound intelligent. I soon found my worth and value in my job. Why did I have this strong desire to prove to my family that I was smart and capable?

When the Lord called me to YWAM, I had been working at my job for 2 years. I loved what I did a lot, but knew the Lord had so much more for me. It was really hard to accept the fact that I would be quitting my job to do missions. I had placed so much of my personal value and affirmation in my job and thought by leaving it I would be seen as stupid. After all, this was how I felt I was proving myself to those around me. This was how I showed people that I was smart.

Overcoming the Lies

I know that this is a really long story, but it’s a part of my life. When I look back, I recognize that I was trying to get my worth and affirmation from things that weren’t God. Things like my education, people, my skills, my job. No matter how much I did or how much encouragement I got, it still never made me feel that I was enough. This is the reality when we try to get our value from the world, instead of God.

I’ve been on staff here with YWAM Redding for almost 2 years. Now i am overseeing a department where the skills I use are not my strong points at all. My brain has never been strong in this particular area, but I had to learn how to do what I do now. It has been extremely stretching for me. But I’m grateful for the growth that’s happened. Multiple times a day, I get asked a question I don’t know the answer to and here comes satan telling me I’m dumb and that I don’t know how to do anything. The Lord has been teaching me the past couple of months is that I can’t do everything in my own strength. I NEED HIM. So, when those moments of weakness come around, I remind myself that I need God, and I call on Him for help.

What I’ve Learned

Through this journey with the Lord I’ve learned a few things:

    1. What the world sees as success and what God sees as success are completely different. The world may think you’re stupid for giving up everything to follow God, but whose voice is the most important?
    2. Your value and you’re worth are not defined by what you do. They come from the One who created you.
    3. Lean on God, you can’t do everything
    4. You can’t know everything
    5. You need community, and people to come alongside you who will speak the truth.
    6. God created every part of you, and when you don’t like a part of who you are, that breaks God’s heart.
    7. Believing the lies is a CHOICE. You can choose to give in to what Satan is telling you about yourself, or you can say ‘NO’ and choose to believe what God says about you.
    8. Don’t let a lifetime of lies, or experiences from the past,  be louder than who God says you are. 

This is how we overcome the lies of the enemy.

If there’s a voice telling you that you’re something that God’s word doesn’t say that you are, please don’t believe it. The enemy knows what will hurt us the most, and loves to use our past and previous experiences to ‘confirm’ these lies because he’s very unoriginal.

I still struggle with believing the “you are stupid” voice on the daily, but I’ve learned it’s a choice we have to make in every moment. I pray that my story encourages you and that you know who God says you are, and that you choose to believe it, no matter if something or someone else is telling you differently. The area where satan attacks you the most is your area of greatest strength and the place that God wants to use you the most. Choose to speak life over yourself and over how God created you. 

I’ll start at… I  AM BRILLIANT.

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